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So… unless you live under a rock,* you’re aware that it’s come to light that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson, her boyfriend of over three years, with the married director of Snow White and the Huntsman.
To which Twi-Hards around the world exploded into evil cheers of glee.
Both Kristen and said director, Rupert Sanders, have issued public apologies after being caught and photographed mid-indiscretion.
Aside from the obvious total awkwardness of the situation, there are quite a few things that, for me, just don’t add up.
First, WHO CHEATS ON EDWARD CULLEN?!?!?!?!?
Snarknaciousness aside, Kristen Stewart is really only “big” because of being cast as Bella Swan. She would have continued toiling away in relative obscurity if Catherine Hardwick hadn’t cast her in Twilight, opposite every woman’s vampire dreamboat. She then compounded that hand of awesome by dating Robert Pattinson. Unlike some of young Hollywood, they’ve been fairly private about their romance.
Suddenly, Kristen is off filming a movie in another country and decides that it would be a good idea to cheat with her married director? Whose wife and children are IN said movie?
via People.com
You are a 22-year old actress on a movie set, and you can choose between Mr Directorpants and oh, I dunno… THOR.
You chose wrong, Kristen.
Likewise, you are a Horny Director with low self-esteem, and you want to cheat on your model wife. You’re on a movie set with Kristen Stewart and Charlize-Freakin’-Theron. Who do you choose?
Here’s a hint: “Kristen Stewart” is the WRONG answer.
Not only did they commit said indiscretion, but they got caught. And now both are publicly apologizing to their partners via the press. Whatever happened to discretion and handling family problems privately? Are the apology articles really necessary, and are they really going to save face by owning up to their dirty laundry in such a public forum? To reiterate, Kristen has gained the majority of her fame playing the lead role in a series targeted to teens and young women, and she’s publicly admitting cheating on her boyfriend with a married man. Damage control, methinks they’re doing it wrong.
At least Robert hasn’t been faced with the same type of temptation since the two started dating. He’s done a few movies, but not worked with any real hotties.
OH WAIT.
(And even if something did happen, he was discrete enough to make sure that the world never found out about it.)
Look, I don’t think any of us are naïve enough to think that Hollywood doesn’t get up to its fair share of fooling around. Unnaturally attractive people are thrown together for months at a time on a movie set, sometimes in extremely intimate circumstances. I’m a theater vet, I know these things. It can become very hard to discern the fine line between acting and real life sometimes, hence why show/movie set romances are so common. And lets not forget that though she tries to come off as worldly and mature, Kristen Stewart is a very young 22. (*checks for grey hairs*)
Just to recap:
Is Dating
And cheated with
via People.com
And Not
DirectorPants could have cheated with
image via ew.com
But chose to get all lip-bitey with
And the Cheese stands alone.
Lovely, Lovely Sparkly Cheese.
*Under a rock = have an actual life and are not sucked into tabloid gossip like some of us**
** Us = Me.
(images from Google unless otherwise specified)
Dark Eden~ Patrick Carman
Book Summary (From Amazon):
When Will Besting approaches Fort Eden for the first time, he knows something isn’t right. With more terrifying secrets at every turn, he discovers a hidden fear deep inside himself, a dark mystery a thousand years in the making, and the unexpected girl of his dreams. But can he save everyone from the dangers of Fort Eden before it’s too late?
Soundtrack: “Pour Some Sugar on Me”~ Tom Cruise
This seems that it would be a logical addition to the mp3 player tucked into Will’s backpack, which featured other classic hits. Plus, Tom Cruise, who would be right at home in the freaky atmosphere of Camp Eden. Because, yanno. Scientology.
Will Besting has been sent to a remote wooded retreat with a group of six other teenagers. All of them have crippling phobias that their therapist has deemed untreatable, and all are willing to take one last chance on a cure. From the moment they’re dropped off in the middle of nowhere, Will’s “spidey sense” kicks in, leading him to abandon the group and run off into the woods.
The story is entirely told from Will’s point of view, as he hangs back and plays observer to the events that transpire at Fort Eden. He manages to sneak into one of the outbuildings, which affords him a unique view of the “cure” process that the other teens are experiencing. What he sees makes him seriously doubt whether they were brought to the isolated fort for their own good, or for some darker purpose.
Oh Dark Eden… you showed such promise. I’d heard good things about you, really. It’s very possible that ANY book that had to follow in the wake of Divergent and Insurgent would prove to be a let-down, but I really had trouble forcing myself to care about any of the characters and the eventual outcome. I almost ended up giving the book a DNF, but figured that it was short enough that I should power through to the conclusion.
In some ways I’m glad that I did that, because there were some unexpected twists that I definitely didn’t see coming. The exploration of the teenage characters, who were basically textbook teen personalities and could easily have been anyone, and their fears was pretty interesting from a psychological point of view. Seeing the correlation between their crippling fears and what had actually CAUSED them as fascinating, and the cure process is truly what kept me turning the pages to the end.
Will’s point of view is extremely clinical and bland, and I had an extremely difficult time getting attached to him as the narrator. His observation of the whole process is dry, and mostly self centered, except for totally random bits of romantic attachment for one of the other characters. I was able to call out one of the novel’s big twists about halfway through, which definitely dialed back some of the emotional impact on that reveal.
I think that Patrick Carman waits a bit too long to spring the “big reveal” on the reader, perhaps leading to the apathy that I felt for the plot itself. Everything is explained in a series of appendices, which are beautifully thought out and contain some stunning symbolism and wonderful literary references. The “good doctor” Rainsford is deliciously twisted, and I would have loved to get a taste of it earlier in the story.
But THEN?! Just as I was willing to finish the story feeling satisfied, guess what Carman had to go do to me?
That’s right, gang. It’s the FIRST OF A SERIES.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. This book falls squarely in the camp that should NOT be continued in future installments, because we are basically told all that we need to know in the epilogue.
Pet peeve city, up in here.
Two out of Five Cliff Bars.
“Divergent”- Veronica Roth
Plot Summary (From Amazon)- In Beatrice Prior’s dystopian Chicago world, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue—Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is—she can’t have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself.
During the highly competitive initiation that follows, Beatrice renames herself Tris and struggles alongside her fellow initiates to live out the choice they have made. Together they must undergo extreme physical tests of endurance and intense psychological simulations, some with devastating consequences. As initiation transforms them all, Tris must determine who her friends really are—and where, exactly, a romance with a sometimes fascinating, sometimes exasperating boy fits into the life she’s chosen. But Tris also has a secret, one she’s kept hidden from everyone because she’s been warned it can mean death. And as she discovers unrest and growing conflict that threaten to unravel her seemingly perfect society, she also learns that her secret might help her save those she loves . . . or it might destroy her.
Soundtrack: “Headstrong”- Trapt
Ok, I know the song is from, like, 2003. I make no claims about being “hip” and “current”. I once saw a martial arts demonstration performed to this song, and the calculated, controlled power that they exhibited kept coming to mind while I was reading about the Dauntless.
The best books, in my opinion, are the books that take up residence in your head so vividly that you can’t help but think about them when you put them down. They’ve got insane world-building, characters and conflicts that hook you, and all you can do is think about when you’ll have time to read next and advance further into the story. They’re the books that make you release a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. “Divergent” is one of those books.
Beatrice has lived in Abnegation all her life, but has never quite felt like she fit in. She’s not selfless enough to spend the rest of her life putting others’ needs before her own, but she’s terrified that the consequences of choosing a new faction might mean losing her own family forever.
Once she makes the choice to join the Dauntless (and becomes Tris), she’s immediately swept up in their reckless, adrenaline junkie lifestyle. She’s faced with both terror and exhilaration on a daily basis, and realizes that she feels more alive than she ever has. Nobody promised that the initiation process would be easy, but she didn’t expect the danger that she faces from all sides- from her fellow initiates, from the young and volatile Dauntless leader Eric, and for being who she is- Divergent.
It’s the exploration of the concept of Divergence that gives this story its real kick. How can a person be neatly pigeonholed into one faction based on a certain aspect of their personality? Each person has it within himself to be Intelligent, Honest, Brave, Peaceful AND Selfless. Those who don’t fall neatly within black and white cannot be as easily controlled, and thus represent a threat to the enforced order of society.
Tris and Four have taken a high spot in my recent esteem of literary couples. It could be that they seem so NORMAL after reading about Ana and Christian in the Fifty Shades Trilogy. Tris takes brave to the extreme, both in being forced to face her fears and always being willing to step up to protect those she cares about. She’s half Lisbeth Salander and half Katniss Everdeen, but with a certain light-heartedness that’s all her own.
The first person perspective of the novel is extremely effective, especially through Tris’ training experience as you’re in her head and “feeling” what she is. Veronica Roth’s vision of a dystopian Chicago is fascinating, and it’s fun to add another layer to where other authors have chosen to place their societies. (Notably Suzanne Collins’ Districs of Panem and Lauren Oliver’s New England-based “Delirium” trilogy) The writing is sparse but effective, and the pacing is pitch perfect.
The only good thing about my delay in reading this book for the first time is that “Insurgent” has already been released, so I’m able to run right out and continue the story.
Five out of Five Raven Tattoos
Plot Summary:
SEX.
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.
Haha, jus’ kiddin’.
Plot Summary (From Amazon) :
Daunted by the singular tastes and dark secrets of the beautiful, tormented young entrepreneur Christian Grey, Anastasia Steele has broken off their relationship to start a new career with a Seattle publishing house.
But desire for Christian still dominates her every waking thought, and when he proposes a new arrangement, Anastasia cannot resist. They rekindle their searing sensual affair, and Anastasia learns more about the harrowing past of her damaged, driven and demanding Fifty Shades.
While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her, and make the most important decision of her life.
**WARNING- This Review is R-Rated. **
Talk about a lackluster follow-up.
I was rolling my eyes so hard by the end of this book, it’s a wonder they didn’t stick that way. Christian and Ana fight over some misunderstanding, have makeup sex, talk, fight about something they talked about, have makeup sex, lather, rinse, repeat. Ana’s insecurities started driving me crazy, and some of Christian’s control freak tendencies really got on my nerves.
There’s still plenty of sex, in plenty of locations, but in this case EL James’ inexperience as an author really stands out. She uses the same similes over and over- Christian is like a Greek God, She’s curled up to him like a vine… that you can start quoting them back to her. There are only so many times that you can read about Ana’s nether regions and Christian’s springing erections before you start wondering what’s on tv and if you should be reading something else instead. Or slightly wish that one of said erections would smack Ana in the face.
OH AND PS. Who loves giving men oral sex that much!?!?
There are a couple of plot threads running through the book- we explore a bit more of Christian’s issues, and get to meet the infamous Elena (aka Mrs Robinson) who is still far too interested in Christian and subsequently Ana. Another of Christian’s subs is mentally unhinged and running around Seattle with a gun, and Ana’s boss turns out to be a total sleazeball. Fortunately, Christian has bought the company in a fit of overprotectiveness, and is able to can the guy. And look! Ana somehow gets to take his position despite being about two hours out of college!
This book is the textbook example of my recent point regarding the second book in a trilogy. Authors need to deliver something good, not use the story as a vehicle to get us from point A to point C.
Two out of Five Crazy Exes.
Of course, that wasn’t the original purpose of our vacation, but it proved to be an interesting bonus.
Army Boy and I travelled to Long Island over Easter weekend to “celebrate” our six-month anniversary as a married couple. I know, it seems a little excessive, but I felt the need to make up to him a bit that he was hampered by my hobbling during our visit to Ireland. When a Groupon for Oheka Castle came up before Christmas, I quickly jumped on it.
Side note: Yes, I’d recommend using Groupon Getaways if you can travel within the time window assigned to each deal. Oheka was wonderful to work with, and it was a great opportunity we might not have a: been aware of, or b: been able to afford otherwise.
I know, it seems like we have a bit of a fascination with castles. Honestly, can you blame us?
As we did in Ireland, I picked out a few potential activities within a short driving distance of the hotel, and figured that we’d play it by ear when we arrived. This seems to work really well for us. Rather than committing to a full “day trip,” we can take in the sights and still be back and ready to relax without too much additional travel. It allowed us to keep things really low-key, which made the weekend seem more indulgent.
With a bathroom like this, how can it be anything but?
We took a tour of the castle and its grounds on Easter Sunday, which was a gloriously gorgeous day. It was intriguing to learn more about the original owner of the castle, Otto Kahn (ie the inspiration for “Mr Moneybags” from Monopoly). The gardens were perfectly landscaped, and Huntington harbor was just visible from our vantage point. I HAD to ask our tour-guide about the castle’s claims of being haunted, and she verified that they’d had a paranormal research team come in and do an investigation. Considering my recent preoccupation with “Ghost Hunters: International” on Netflix, it was a fun coincidence.
The rest of the day was spent walking through Huntington, which was a charming little town close by. There weren’t too many shops open due to the holiday, but we hit the highlights- an amazing indie bookstore and CRUMBS cupcakes. Because DUH. We then proceeded to enjoy an Easter meal of the best sushi we’d ever had. I have to give Huntington props for food- there were TONS of restaurants, with three choices for sushi alone.
We arrived home after a drive that was somehow TWO HOURS longer than the trip up, to some exciting packages in the mail. First was my copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, which I oh-so-generously agreed to review for my own smutty curiosity The Readers Café.
Secondly was CJHannas’s recently finished manuscript. I volunteered to read it, and was completely flattered when he offered me a copy. I admit, I was a bit intimidated (what if his writing was faaaaaarrrrr too smart for me?!), but quickly got into his writing style and have been tearing through it over the past few days. It’s been a blast to be part of the writing process in this way.
Finally, I’m appealing to any of the other book lovers who may visit this blog: Do YOU want to join a book review site with some fun, smart, and snarky people that love books as much as you do? The Readers Café is looking for some more reviewers, and we’d love for you to join us! You read what you can, at your pace, and post a review when you’re done. It’s an absolute breeze, and we’re having a blast so far. We all have different tastes, so no genre will go unnoticed! Send an email to thereaderscafe1@gmail.com and let us know you’re interested!
“Nefertiti”~ Michelle Moran
Plot Summary (from Amazon): Nefertiti and her younger sister, Mutnodjmet, have been raised in a powerful family that has provided wives to the rulers of Egypt for centuries. Ambitious, charismatic, and beautiful, Nefertiti is destined to marry Amunhotep, an unstable young pharaoh. It is hoped that her strong personality will temper the young ruler’s heretical desire to forsake Egypt’s ancient gods.
From the moment of her arrival in Thebes, Nefertiti is beloved by the people but fails to see that powerful priests are plotting against her husband’s rule. The only person brave enough to warn the queen is her younger sister, yet remaining loyal to Nefertiti will force Mutnodjmet into a dangerous political game; one that could cost her everything she holds dear.
Soundtrack: I know, I’m terrible. But I have to say “Walk Like an Egyptian” by The Bangles. Either that or the Steve Martin SNL spoof “King Tut.” (Nerd Alert: The identity of King Tut’s mother isn’t certain, but DNA evidence points to a third wife and possible sister of the Pharaoh Akhenaten/Amunhotep.) As much as I enjoyed this story, I haven’t thought through my new “soundtrack” requirement enough to apply modern music to historical fiction. Must work on that.
I’ve been a huge historical fiction nut since I first read my now well-worn copy of “The Other Boleyn Girl” in college. On a recent visit to Goodreads, my attention was grabbed by the cover of Michelle Moran’s recent novel “Madame Tussaud,” and I had to click over to do some research into her other books. Prior to tackling the French revolution, she wrote three novels set in Ancient Egypt- a time and place which I had yet to explore in a literary sense.
Nefertiti is told from the point of view of the queen’s younger sister, who watches her beautiful older sister go from princess, to queen, and finally to Pharaoh. There were some immediate similarities between this book and “The Other Boleyn Girl,” notably the less gregarious narrator who provides us with a view of the events of the story. Mutnodjmet (or “Mutny”, for short) is content with living in the shadow of her sister, until she starts to realize that her entire life has been placed on hold.
Nefertiti was originally married to the young prince Amunhotep as a means to curb his eccentricities and to keep her family close to the throne of Egypt. As it quickly becomes clear that the Pharaoh is more unstable than anyone suspected, Nefertiti’s own ambitions come to light. Before long, the two are swept up in their plans for a “new” Egypt, free from the religion and traditions that have come before them.
As a character, Nefertiti is very similar to the brittle and glittering Anne Boleyn in Philippa Gregory’s novel- her ambition and desire to be loved know no bounds and she quickly loses touch with the realities of governing an empire. She is instead obsessed with keeping the Pharaoh’s attention upon herself (rather than his second wife who has given him a son and possible heir), being worshiped by her people and being remembered long after her death.
Seeing Mutnodjmet’s character evolve through the course of the novel is enjoyable, and the rich detail incorporated into the story does a wonderful job of immersing the reader. The only difficulty that I had was keeping track of the many characters, whose Ancient Egyptian names were extremely similar (Pharoah took the name Akhenaten after coronation, and his daughters with Nefertiti were Meritaten, Meketaten, Ankhesenpaaten, Neferneferuaten… ya follow?). I would definitely recommend this book to someone who’s read practically everything there is to read about Henry VIII (whut.) and is looking for another trainwrecky royal family to explore.
PS- I have to give a quick shout out to my newest project: I’ll be a contributing reviewer over at The Readers Cafe, a fun new blog created by Amy from Hamlet’s Mistress. We’ve got a great bunch of ladies reviewing over there with varied reading tastes and writing styles. Stop by and see what we’re up to!
…But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”
~Clement Clarke Moore
I’ve never been the type that can fall asleep in a moving vehicle of any kind, which was a bit of a concern when I realized that our flight to Ireland was a 6-hour red-eye. We’d be leaving Tuesday night, and arriving in Ireland Wednesday morning. Fortunately I was pre-armed with some prescription help, and the suggestion of an iPhone app from our “Cousin Rob” that would provide some nice white noise as I tried to sleep. (Ocean waves, ftw)
It came as a total shock to me to be nudged awake by Army Boy in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, as the flight attendants brought around a simple breakfast of fruit, juice and croissants. I nearly fist-pumped with glee, so thrilled was I by my sudden new magical ability to summon slumber!
We were quite the sexy couple as we emerged from the plane into the misty darkness of the Irish predawn, and were extremely grateful for the hot coffee we’d managed to procure at the airport. We found our adorable rental car with little trouble, loaded up, and began our two-and-a-half hour drive out to the village of Clifden, outside Galway. Because of my foot situation and inability to drive a manual, Army Boy was relegated to driving duty for the entirety of our stay, and it was a remarkably freeing experience to have no choice but to sit back and relax.
We made our way west with little enough difficulty- the sight of a local traffic circle recently sent me into a spasm of post-traumatic stress induced terror- but the help of our GPS and my rad navigational skills, we were soon cruising along through mountains and fields teaming with sheep. I really think that the utter beauty of the drive was what kept us awake, because although you’re supposed to try to stay awake to ward off jet lag, we found it utterly impossible when we arrived in our room.
The roads were every bit as narrow as everyone warned, and then some, and we found ourselves being passed multiple times by local drivers who were far more comfortable with the treacherous curves than we.
Our final arrival in Clifden was met with huge yawns from Army Boy and squeals of glee from me- It was as quaint and beautiful as promised, and you could see our hotel on the hill. We pulled into the parking lot and I began the first of my series of dumbfounded sighs that we were REALLY IN IRELAND.
The lovely front desk staff at the hotel took one look at our exhausted faces and Das Boot, and hustled us back to our room with the prescription of a bottle of champagne. It was our honeymoon, after all! Though it had taken us two days to get there, we were finally ready to celebrate! We walked through our door, and were ushered right into one of the hotel’s signature rooms- a round turret with a large four-poster bed, fireplace, and giant clawfoot tub in the bathroom. At that point, we hadn’t the energy to do much more than marvel at our luck, before closing the room’s many drapes and collapsing to sleep.
Disclaimer: This was my first experience ever (shock!) with jet lag, and it is a nasty beast!! I didn’t expect it to be quite so physical… more a mental feeling of disorientation, but after our travels each way it felt like the worst hangover I’d ever had.
We woke the first day just in time for tea, and blearily made our way to the hotel bar. Army Boy was a bit skeptical, but since we’d eaten nothing since breakfast and had a couple of hours until dinner, he gamely decided to accompany me. The quiet room with a peat fire burning was cozy and inviting, and the fresh scones were restorative. We enjoyed taking the time to relax with our fellow travelers, and hear about their daily adventures while we all unwound before getting dressed for formal dinner later in the evening. Even now, Army Boy and I try to make time on the weekends to sit with a cup of tea and take a few breaths in the midst of doing all the things.
Unaware of the pace of Irish living on our first day, we were dressed and ready to go to dinner promptly at 7pm. Fortunately for us, we were waylaid in the hotel lobby by a trio of ladies who were already well on their way to “getting wrecked,” as they cheerfully informed us. Their names were Mary, her daughter Mary, and her daughter in law Miriam, and they made it a point of taking a girls’ weekend each fall to shop and relax in Clifden. One of the hotel’s owners, Brian, joined us at that moment and hearing that we were the “American Honeymooners,” insisted we stay where we were while more champagne was fetched.
(This was a trend that would be repeated many times throughout our visit- the Irish are wonderfully generous and could all drink us under the table without effort.)
We visited with “The Marys” for a bit until they needed to go change, and then went up to dinner. The restaurant was quiet, but for the occasional bit of fun that Brian would have with the guests. The food was heavenly, and the menu veered heavily toward the local seafood. I’ve never had smoked salmon like the kind I tasted in Ireland that night, and made an effort to enjoy it throughout the rest of the trip. The desserts were decadent, and we made our way back to our room for a well-needed soak in the tub before falling asleep again.
Thursday morning, we awoke refreshed and ready to start adventuring. We spoke with some of the hotel’s other visitors for recommendations about some activities that we could do relatively close to the hotel, and got some solid advice. With my foot, we had to rethink the itinerary a little (no hiking in Connemara national park, and not much to do on Inishbofin island if you weren’t able to walk), and were thankful for the help.
It was pretty easy to make the decision to spend our first day exploring the town of Clifden. I’m ashamed to admit that we drove the half mile or so into town, and parked near the town center. I wasn’t sure how far my foot would let us get in the “exploring” front, and didn’t want to chance it. It also gave us a good spot to drop any packages we might accrue from shopping. Which, I mean, DUH.
We arrived in town around 10am, and to our surprise, none of the shops were open. (see above re: the pace of Irish living) The majority of them opened around 11am, so we did a little hobbling/walking and took in the scenery. The town didn’t disappoint, being as picturesque as we’d hoped. We made it a point to visit both of Clifden’s two churches, the grand Roman Catholic St Joseph’s and the equally lovely Christ Church, part of the Church of Ireland. The two seem to stand as sentinels over the town, and it never got old using the spires to orient ourselves if we got turned around.
Our first stop was at the charming O’Daleigh Jewelry store. We knew that we’d have luck finding some souvenirs there, just not THAT much luck. We left there having spent a good chunk of our euros, but with lovely pieces for ourselves and a necklace for my mom.
The next stop on our tour of town was the Super-Valu market right across the town center. We wanted to pick up a few necessities to keep in our room (some snacks and bottled water) and I was on a MISSION, tasked me by Yezel: experience as much Irish chocolate as humanly possibly. Namely: Cadbury.
We located our more mundane purchases pretty quickly, and then went on to the sweets. I attacked the challenge with a scientific approach- grab as many different types of goodies as possible to try while we were there, and to allow us to settle on some favorites to bring home with us. Our highlights included Cadbury Crunchie, Aero, Flake, and Wispa. There were also Mars Revels, Bounty bars and some Cadbury buttons. Even if our accents didn’t peg us right away as American tourists, our haul when we reached the cash register sure did. The clerk laughed along with us when we answered that we were on our honeymoon and wanted to make the most of it.
The other exciting part of our shopping was finally getting to visit the Clifden Bookseller, one of my priorities. It was a quaint little shop along the main street absolutely overflowing with books beneath a cheerful awning. I’d decided that the best use of my euros there would be to locate a UK edition of “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.” I quickly succeeded at that venture (and had to talk myself out of buying the whole paperback set…), and turned to the other shelves. To my delight, I found my copy of “The Night Circus,” as well as another magic-themed selection, “The Magicians Guild.” Keeping our weight limitations for flying in mind, I had to convince myself to leave the charming little shoppe with only those three purchases.
I won’t risk boring you with a play-by-play of our shopping adventures that day, but let it suffice to say that the back seat of our little compact was pretty well covered with parcels by the end of the afternoon.
Finally, it was time to head back to the hotel for the evening if we wanted to make sure to catch teatime and have time to get ready for dinner. The day had passed remarkably quickly, and it was hard to believe that our honeymoon was half over already.
I wish I could say that I wasn’t excited about finally unveiling all of the little details that went into our big day, but it was tough keeping them all quiet as we were spending hours crafting together. For the sake of not spoiling everything for our guests that read the blog, I did my best to stay hush-hush.
People who are more accustomed to posting about weddings typically say a wedding has a “theme” or an “aesthetic” that they’re going for. Whether it’s vintage, whimsical, steampunk… Yeah. My theme was “Use my colors and make it look pretty.” I think there was a healthy dose of New England Preppy thrown in there, but we dressed it up a little because of having an evening, ballroom wedding instead of a beachside clambake. (Which would be totally awesome, btw. Navy and kelly green, anyone?)
The Welcome Bags:
Thanks to lots of time spent crafting in our college sorority, I had a vision for these almost immediately. They’d incorporate our colors and some kind of cute sticker (logo, initials, whatev), be tied with a pretty ribbon, and be packed with Pennsylvania-centric snacks. Not blow your mind original, but whatever. We make good junk food in this neck of the woods.
Once I wasn’t thrilled with the “wedding labels” I was finding online (re: mostly tacky), we went back to the drawing board and decided to incorporate the fact that we would literally be “tying the knot” during our handfasting ceremony. I searched for images of scrimshaw knots (which were also a nod to the preppy New England part of my multiple personalities), and used that in Zazzle to create our finished product. They turned out surprisingly well.
Treats in the bags included Utz potato chips, Snyder’s of Hanover pretzels, Tastycakes, and both Hershey and M&M products. We are (un)lucky enough to have both within 10 minutes of our house. (We even managed to find some navy and white ribbon with scrimshaw knots!)
We also included directions to the rehearsal dinner and sweet little door hangers ordered from Etsy. These were in our colors, and we chose the hydrangea design as a nod to our flowers and again to the “preppy New England” theme.
The Table Numbers:
These were straight up ordered from Dear Emma on Etsy. I loved the intricate design, rich colors and the art deco feel to them. Even though NOTHING else that we did was art deco, I thought they’d really pop against the flowers and the table cloths.
I’m so in love with these I’d love to use them to number our kitchen table every night. I may have a problem.
The Escort Cards:
The one lesson I learned from the wedding: Attempting almost anything pictured in Martha Stewart? HAHAHAHAHAHHA.
Ahem.
There was a gorgeous Martha’s Vineyard wedding pictured in one of the issues of Martha Stewart Weddings right around the time when we had to really start thinking about escort cards. The bride in this case had collected vintage postcards from the Vineyard (yanno… just for kicks?) and used them as escort cards. I was smitten.
I went on a scavenger hunt, trying to find vintage PA or Ireland postcards, but the more I looked the more I became convinced that it would be far too complicated and expensive to find enough cards for all of our guests. Even ordering them off Vistaprint would have been a greater expense than we were shooting for. Enter Etsy once again, who inspired me that I could totally make my OWN postcards with some cardstock and some stamps.
I had a lot of help from Army Boy on this one, and we’re pleased with how they came out. We coffee-stained ivory notecards, then stamped them with table numbers and hand wrote the guests’ names on them.
The cards were then tacked onto a large corkboard (as a nod to our venue) that Army Boy built for the purpose, and displayed at the reception on two easels.
The Placecards:
During one of our very early forays to the craft store, my mom noticed some wax seals and sealing wax. “Wouldn’t it be fun to incorporate these somehow?” she suggested. “You know, because you guys are all weird and Renaissance Faire-y and like that sort of thing?” Why yes, Mother. It would be fun. Rather than sealing our invitations, we decided to embellish the placecards with a wax seal. We even took it one step further and used wax in our colors, each color designating the guest in question’s entrée choice.
For something with high potential for burnination, these turned out surprisingly well. And again, I had to look past the ones that weren’t “perfect.” It “adds character.” (And they got pitched at the end of the night anyway.)
The Favors:
We got to use our little “logo” again on the favors, in the form of smaller stickers. From the beginning, we wanted to stick to an edible favor, as those seem to be the most popular with guests. Once we’d booked our honeymoon to Ireland, it gave us a nudge in the direction of UK-themed treats. In the end, we decided on Walker’s shortbread fingers at each guest’s place.
(The OCD part of me would like some props for not freaking out over the fact that the plaid packaging basically clashed with our color scheme and was mad confusing with the slightly nautical feel of the stickers. *breathing into a paper bag.* Ok, we’re good. Moving on.)
The Cake:
This is honestly for sheer gratuitiousness. All along, Army Boy and I had the same things as priorities for the cake- no fondant, and it had to be delicious. I know, you can do beautiful things with fondant and make a really stylish, beautiful cake. But if it’s not done “just so,” it’s more like eating sugary plastic, no matter how good the cake itself might be. Our cake certainly fit that bill- the tiers were alternating chocolate cake with rich chocolate mousse, and white cake with vanilla mousse, poached pears and black raspberries.
This is one of the areas I was almost lazy in my creativity, sticking with simplicity and relying on the florist and the pastry chef to carry out what I was hoping for. Up until a couple of weeks before the wedding, we were planning on having navy ribbon on each of the tiers, but the further we got in the planning process the more I found myself gravitating to the plain ivory icing. The cake stand is the hotel’s, but it happened to look great with the flowers and my colors, so I think the effect was pretty nice overall.
I thought that filling you in on all the details was a good place to start with our “Recap-aganza.”
Next time: I’ll finally stop teasing and tell you what we chose for the ceremony music (Hint: Some of you were right!) and readings.
