Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Blog

While I was trying to decide whether or not to write a blog, I reeeeeally weighed the pros and cons. Like for about a month. And I talked about it with various friends. One of them was even thoughtful enough to give me a deadline- November 31, 2009. (I still haven’t had the heart to point out to her that isn’t a real date… It’s the thought that counts.)
        Let’s face it- I haven’t really hit any of life’s challenges yet. All of my favorite bloggers- “Mommy Wants Vodka”, “The Spohrs are Multiplying”, etc- have handled some seriously heavy shit already. And they’re not that much older than I. I haven’t dealt with the loss of a child, or serious family illnesses, or infertility, or some of the other painful things that entitle a person to write and share and receive online-love. And “The Bloggess”, who I have a little girly crush on, regularly makes me shake with silent laughter in my cube, where I’m trying not to let the rest of the office dwellers realize that I’ve discovered what is quite possibly the funniest blog known to man.
        I have traveled thus far relatively unscathed, and can’t help feeling that, for me, a blog would be purely selfish. Like “wah wah wah this is what being single is like. And I bought this book and did this and bought another book and LOOK AT ME I’M COOL!” Why on earth would people want to read THAT when they can read about Aunt Becky’s adorable kids, or Heather Spohr’s deeply moving entries. And let’s face it… Heather of  “Dooce” fame is pretty much internet royalty. She was recognized by FORBES.  I look at all of these people and feel intimidated before I even start. It’s like watching the Usain Bolt set another insane world record, and deciding that I’m going to take up sprinting and be as good as him. Not gonna happen.
        Another reason- I’m not particularly technologically savvy. The idea of attempting to keep up with a layout and inserting links and photos… I’m behind the curve before I even start. I don’t want whatever project that I undertake to look like it’s being run by a kindergartner (who, let’s face it… could probably do a better job. Don’t they start kids on web programming in daycare? Or maybe I’m thinking of Twitter… “10:31 am- I pooped!  It’s green! Going to see how much of the room I can odorify before the attendant catches me”.)(That is probably more than 140-whatever characters. See? That’s how badly I fail.)
        And the time! I’d have to reach into the scary abyss of my brain each day and come up with something for an entry… I’m not sure how long I could go on writing creative and original material before drying up completely and being forced to resort to recipes that I rip off Food Network.com or cute pictures from Icanhazcheezburger. Yes, I realize that I have the classic symptoms of overachiever-itis. And possibly an anxiety disorder. 
        As if to verify my fears, I clicked over to the wordpress homepage and there was a cheery message from the founder or webmaster or just some dude and he was TOTALLY RUBBING IT IN that i suck. Check it out:

“Here are July’s stats:

  • 394,609 blogs were created.
  • 5,666,839 posts were published.
  • 418,946 new users joined.

blah blah blah blah blah and

  • 1,419,364,230 words. “

What!? Almost 400,000 blogs were created last month?! So if similar stats are followed this month, I am so unoriginal that almost 399,997 people thought of this before i did?! (I had to give myself a little bit of credit)

You know what… Whatever WordPress dude. I am not going to let this intimidate me. I could be that guy from the Mets that just got hurt walking into the dugout during the Phillies game. I mean, come on. If the Spartans in “300” had gotten intimidated, we wouldn’t have gotten to see half as many makeup-enhanced abs. If Luke Skywalker had wussed out instead of being a serious Jedi badass when he had to face down Jabba the Hutt, we wouldn’t have seen that cool desert battle on Tatooine and millions of geeks wouldn’t fantasize about Carrie Fisher in a bikini. If those guys on The Orca had decided that they really did need a bigger boat and gone back to Amity to get a new one, Jaws probably would have eaten a bunch more kids and yeah maybe a couple of guys on the boat wouldn’t have died but we wouldn’t have gotten to see the shark finally explode in a mass of meat chunks and fake blood and how freaking cool was that?!

So it may take me a little bit to find my way, but I will do my best to never dissolve into a mass of whining and self-pity or a list of pointless details about my day. And if I do that, I am counting on all 5 of my readers to leave comments and tell me to snap the hell out of it and get back to my point. But nothing really works quite as well as a little positive reinforcement. So first tell me to snap the hell out of it, and then give me a cookie or something.

I can do this. 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Blog

  1. Amen. Everyone feels like they don’t know what they’re doing at first and is lost in a sea of other blogs. Eventually you find your pace and your voice and your audience and it clicks.

    PS. Thanks for the compliment!

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