This weekend, I logged on to Facebook and got a notification that someone from the variety band that I sing with during the summer had written on my wall. I clicked over, and was horrified to see the following:
TrumpetTool: YO. LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU’RE FREE AND I’M TAKING YOU OUT TO DINNER
Seriously?! Do you know HOW MUCH is wrong with that?
My number one rule of dating, and quite possibly one of the reasons that I’m single is this: DO NOT attempt to ask me out any other way than calling me. This includes but is not limited to txting, email, facebook, myspace, Twitter, or an ad banner on CNN.com. With countless methods of communication at their fingertips, guys are becoming lazier and lazier with the first effort they make to ask a woman out. Doesn’t that seem counter-intuitive? What happened to wanting to make a good impression and prove to a woman that you are worth her time?
Not to mention that this particular specimen of manhood had on countless occasions been a complete and total ASS to me. (No really. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve muttered to the other singer “God, TrumpetTool is such an asshole.”) What on God’s green earth would have given him the impression that I would ever go out with him?! Not only that, but that he would have the balls to inform me on my WALL that he was taking me out?!
Oh, and it was in ALL CAPS. It’s almost like getting told by Adolph Hitler that “WE’RE GOING ON A DATE FOR THE FATHERLAND! HEIL ME!”
I stared at the screen in disbelief for a few minutes, before deleting the comment altogether. Of course I didn’t respond in any form. But if I had, it probably would have gone like this:
“Hey TrumpetTool. Thanks for the suggestion that I can’t get a date on my own and that you’re being charitable enough to take me out. As tempting as that is, I’m going to have to pass. See, I tend to go out with guys that are gentlemen and know how to treat a woman. That doesn’t telling her you’re going to take her out on her wall where other men that she’d rather date can see. I pity you the crippling insecurity that makes you unable to use a phone. Oh, and I’m not remotely attracted to you. You sweat a lot.
PS- Remember the countless times you’ve busted on me for being “just a singer” and saying that I “can’t read music”? I got a college degree in it, Asshole.”