Online Dating- Take Two

One would think I might be discouraged by my not-so-exciting experience with “Oh no!” Fictional Me would wail. “I’ll never find love! It’s time to go start buying the 50 cats that I will eventually live with! And probably die with! But will teach them beforehand that going feral and eating dead bodies is wrong, so when I do go they’ll artfully prop me on a bed, lay flowers around me and then dial 911!” (Please remember- the plan is to be batshit crazy in addition to being a cat lady.

That actually couldn’t be further from the truth. When I made the decision to switch sites, I didn’t waste any time. I cancelled everything on Biochemistry, clicked over to and whipped out the credit card.

After I filled out the introductory info, and created a sparkling profile, I braced myself for the long process of filling out the questionnaire that would assist Mismatch in finding my Perfect Mr Brooke… Wait. No questionnaire? Oh, that’s ok. I’ll just rely on the careful process of guided communication to get to know their personality and decide for myself if we’re compatible- What? You go straight to emailing and chatting with perfect strangers? Who can IM you at any time, forcing you to attempt conversation before you’ve even viewed their profile? Hmmm…

For Example:

MommasBoy76: Hi Pinacoconut! (the alias I have been using back since the AIM days…)

PinaCoconut: Um… Hi?

PinaCoconut: How do I use this thing?

MommasBoy76: How’s ur night?

(In my head- “Minus 5 points for abbreviating ‘your’”)

PinaCoconut: Umm… good?

PinaCoconut: How’s yours?

(In my head- “like I give a crap? I don’t even know your name.”)

MommasBoy76: ‘scool.

MommasBoy76: So, watchu like to do for fun?

(In my head: “Um? It’s in my profile? I sing and read and am an all around nerd. Minus another five points for butchering ‘what do you’.”)

PinaCoconut: Well, performing music.

(In my head: “How the hell do I get rid of this tool so I can continue man-shopping?”)

PinaCoconut: Oh, crap. My dog is whining to be put out

PinaCoconut: Gotta go

(quickly signs off site.)

Repeat ad nauseam.

Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself. In spite of not having a fancy-schmancy questionnaire, or methods of communication stricter than the prison system, did have some real positives.

It immediately became clear to me that the men who chose that site were a different type from my first experience. The obvious was looks… I had to step away from the computer, drag Mom in as a witness and say “Are you seeing this?? Look at him. And him! And this one who is totally built and holding a puppy!?” There were loads of attractive guys, all just an email away.

Sure, their profiles may not have indicated that all of them were rocket scientists, (ex- I AM HOT AND YOU SHOULD DATE ME!) but I had already realized that looking for a guy who could be the male version of me is not such a good idea. No really.

I started emailing with a number of them, and found that just as effective in getting to know them as multiple choice questions followed by short answer questions followed by interpretative dance followed by… well, you get the drift. The ones who sent interesting emails, containing questions and info about themselves without being too braggy caught my attention. The guys who said “here’s my number, call me” got deleted. After about 2 weeks I had spoken on the phone with and scheduled dates with two guys- Teacher Boy and Armstrong Guy.

However, choosing to start online dating during the summer wasn’t the smartest idea for me. I was kept busy most weeknights, between yoga, band practice and performances. Once I started going out with the two guys as well, it got even more hectic. Finding the time to sit down in the evenings after work and do my man-browsing was proving to be more time-consuming than I’d anticipated. I was really making an effort to get to know my matches well, as I knew that there wasn’t a computer mastermind somewhere doing it for me.

Plus, after my first week or so of finding a lot of potential matches, things slowed down drastically. I was searching through the guys in my area, but not finding any new, interesting profiles. I actually missed the Biochemistry method of selecting matches for me daily, and presenting me with them to make a decision on. It was a more efficient use of my dating time.

I stuck with Mismatch for about two months, and then decided to evaluate the experience. Two guys after two months was pretty good, but I’d rather have a slightly higher success rate. Plus, I was taking a lot of extra time to determine if I was compatible with people, while another site would actually take care of that process for me.

And that leads us to…. Part Three of the Saga.

To Be Continued…

(dun dun dun….)


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