Finally, a Use for Kate Gosselin

In lieu of a legitimate post, I have instead a cautionary tale about the dangers of giving employees access to Instant Messenger at work.

Brooke [10:17 AM]:


they should let her [kate gosselin] compete in one of those weird strongman competitions

like where men pull stuff with their noses and eye sockets and ears

and let her use her hair

Danielle [10:18 AM]:

i bet she would win

Brooke [10:18 AM]:

i know.

she could hook a chain to that thing

and pull a boeing.

Danielle [10:23 AM]:

the govnt should hire her

Brooke [10:23 AM]:


to help in defense systems testing.

Danielle [10:24 AM]:


Brooke [10:24 AM]:

“this is the newest in nuclear technology. we’re going to demonstrate its effectiveness on the most indestructible thing we’ve been able to find…”

“kate gosselin’s mullet.”

*beep beep beep*


*kate is still standing*

“oh crap Mr President. back to the drawing board”

Danielle [10:27 AM]:

seriously…that lady uses kryptonite hair spray

Brooke [10:28 AM]:

*in flies Superman!*

“Fear not, President Obama. I will deal with this Reality TV nuisance!”

“but Superman, wait!!!”

*Man of Steel drops to the ground in agony*

“aaaaaaa!!! it burns!!”

*kate looks puzzled*

“what. do you want some organic mac and cheese?”

Danielle [10:30 AM]:


not that!

Brooke [10:30 AM]:

*entire crowd including Obama start gagging*

Brooke [10:30 AM]:

*presidential blackberry starts vibrating*

“Ah ha! i have the one thing that will help.” *noble, presidential smile*

*in speeds black BMW*

*passenger side door opens*

*out falls…. HAILEY GLASSMAN!!!*

*…. DRUNK*

*…. and topless*

“….mmmbbllurg….whassat bitch doing here?”

*Kate’s head spins around, a la Exorcist*

*Hailey continues drunkenly rambling, oblvious*

“i’m just… so luuucky. jon is a good man…”

“and i will sta–… stand… lean against a wall by him ANY day.”

*kate spontaneously combusts*

*everyone cheers!*



One thought on “Finally, a Use for Kate Gosselin

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