Today was the day- the big move from my original, cozy little cube by the window where I got to bask in the glow of natural light and watch the outside world go by as I was trapped in here working for the MAN…
My two coworkers and I were across the building from the rest of the pharmacy personnel in our location. In a way, it made sense to keep the Medicare team separate from the commercial side of things and apart from the call center staff, but at the same time not really.
The word came in last week that the Powers that Be who decide how the building should be organized were moving all the call center staff up with the other phone personnel, thus vacating a large portion of the pharmacy department. My coworkers and I were going to be moved in with them, to be closer to our boss and pharmacists.
This is logical. And while I briefly mourned the loss of my window, I accepted the change and began to pack.
This morning was moving day, and I grabbed an extra hit of caffeine on the way in to be energized for lugging my boxes across the Lego Block of Doom. I went directly to my new cube first, to drop off my purse and coat, and was shocked to find that my possessions were ALREADY THERE.
Genius Boy and the pharmacists had carried all of my things (sans one small box- and you know why they didn’t touch it?! Because there were feminine products visible in the box. Fully wrapped, fresh ones. But ew, girl cooties!!) including my AWESOME CHAIR (that I was totally intending to keep because it saved me from neck problems HALLELUJAH!) to our new location.
I wanted to kiss them all on the mouth, but offered to buy lunch instead.
I set about the task of getting organized, because nothing makes a control freak more uneasy than everything not being in its place. After about 2 hours, I felt that things were sufficiently in order for me to relax for the time being. Decorating could be taken care of at a later date.
At about that time, Army Boy took his lunch break, and started texting me. And it was then that I realized it-
I get NO service at my new desk.
Zip. Zero. Nada. Maybe half a bar if I roll my chair outside my cube and dance around like an asshole.
The majority of the time I’ve got the little picture of the phone with the X through it that means “You are so screwed.” That thing might as well be a little light up middle-finger for the aggravation that it causes.
So not only did I lose a window, and have to totally clean out my cube, reorganize it, move into a lightless basement… but I have NO connection to the outside world!?!?
I stared blankly at the phone for about 5 minutes, pushing various buttons and gradually growing more panicked.
What did we DO before the invention of texting?! And cell phones?!
I know, I do have a “land line.” And “email.” But they’re practically the same as smoke signals and carrier pigeons! I need the instant gratification of being able to bug communicate with Army Boy in real time!
I decided to walk to the café to get some water, and hope that by the time I was back at my cube Verizon would have realized the issue and erected a new tower directly next to me.
My mood was not improved by stopping off in the bathroom. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and Good Lord, who applied my makeup!? A 3-year-old? It looks like I put my face on this morning in my boyfriend’s bathroom with totally inadequate lighting and— Oh. That is what happened.
And really, if anyone notices, Eff em. I DID get made up in my boyfriend’s bathroom with totally inadequate lighting. After a night of hot monkey sex an awesome date night involving margaritas and Beatles Rock Band.
When I got back? No cell tower. I don’t even know who to complain to about this. Bill Gates? Oprah? Obama?! Shit, he got the Nobel Peace Prize. You’d think he’d care about whiny office workers having cell service. I know, land mines and inadequate drinking water and DISEASE and waaah waaah waaah….
Zero bars people. Zero bars.