A Letter of Holiday Cheer and Warm Fuzzies

Dear Doctors of Medicare Patients,

Why in God’s name do you decide to wait until 2 days before a holiday to request prior authorizations for your patients? Why do you not take care of your paperwork when the med actually rejects at the pharmacy, versus waiting for your patient to call their insurance company and be all “OH EHM GEE AH NEED MAH DRUGZ!” Ditto for them calling their congresspeople. Seriously. You know, and I know that Medicare Patients get KAH-RAZY about their drugs.

Please note that you do not need to prescribe strengths of medications that do not actually exist. If a drug comes in 25mg and 50mg, your patient DOES NOT need 37.5mg. Likewise, they really do not need two 8mg tablets of a med when the manufacturer has been thoughtful enough to make a 16mg strength. And they certainly do not need either of these things RIGHT NOW! URGENT! BEFORE I GO TO MY TURKEY AND THEN OFF INTO THE HILLS TO SHOOT STUFF HUNTING SEASON WOO!

Also, why do you all always effing choose to send over 90 billion requests when The Other conveniently decides to take a day off during a holiday week, yet sit on your asses and play Scrabble on the rare occasion that I guiltily take a day off? Which I didn’t do today even to get an x-ray of my busted foot, because “Hell, I can still walk on it. It’s not that bad. And I don’t want to screw my team on a holiday week.” Damn ethics and shit.

And, for those of you that are apparently living under rocks or in a cave in West Virginia: Quinine was ruled as dangerous and manufacturers were ordered to stop making it in 2006. (Because I am a genius at all things math, or just really good at counting on my fingers, I will spell it out for you- that is THREE YEARS AGO.) STOP USING IT to treat inappropriate shit. Because it causes DEATH.

In closing, have a Happy Thanksgiving, and fabulous holiday season.

*middle finger*

Brooke

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