What. I finally got my flu shot. What were you thinking?!
I would never write an entry about penises TWO DAYS before Christmas. That just seems like blasphemy somehow. Like, with the upcoming holiday celebrating the birth of the baby Jesus, my blog somehow needs to be fresh and clean as the new-driven snow or somesuch.
I wouldn’t even think about writing about douchebag ex-boyfriends two days before Christmas. Not even the one who cheated on me on Valentine’s day and then started dating my “best friend” a year later, and is now living with her. Because he’s such a donkey-ball-sucking weasel nice guy!
And no, I would not write an entry about ASSHOLES two days before Christmas. See above. Not even the asshole driving the Mercedes behind me this morning that apparently forgot that her car came with turn signals and did not come with an “Oh shit, you’re going off the road!” alarm (for those times when you’re too clearly talking on your blackberry on speakerphone and tailgaiting the person in front of you so that they can see you talking on your blackberry. Stupid whore).
I would never use words like ‘asshole,’ ‘whore’, ‘prick’, ‘douchebag’ or ‘shit’ two measly days before Christmas because I am secretly still five inside and don’t want to jinx my chances that Santa will bring me awesome presents.
Also, I wouldn’t think of sharing a totally inappropriate “grownup-time” story about Army Boy two days before Christmas, even though I nearly peed my pants. Which, being as it was “g-t”, I wasn’t wearing. But suffice it to say he may have gotten sex confused with swimming and thought we should abstain after eating. For serious. I set him straight.
Yes. I got my flu shot finally. AND the swine flu shot, which was like a buy-one-get-one punch in the arm. Getting both right before Christmas may not have been smart, but I figure I’ve got 2 days to deal with any potential side effects. Like losing my mental filter and sharing completely inappropriate stories with The Internet. That has gotta be one of the side effects.
I finally won that battle. Next up: The Battle For Cell Phone Signal. (Which will probably involve me getting a new phone. But it’s not about how you win. Just that you DO.)