In Which Kim Kardashian and I Go Bra Shopping

Last night, I was at rehearsal with some of my favorite theater people. First, we caught up on everything that had happened since our last meeting during the summer. I was psyched to see that Jaime was there, as well as Kate and Jordan.

It had been 3 years since my last theater role, and I was anxious to get back to acting. Yes, I’m a bona fide theater nerd. Being onstage, getting to inhabit another character for the two hours of a show, and I’m totally into it. Especially when the character is all kinds of bitchy or angsty.

Anyway, we take to the rehearsal stage, and start to practice, when I notice a familiar face watching. Not necessarily familiar to me personally, but familiar to most of the world. Or anyone who reads trashy gossip mags. Which I do with a vengeance.

Kim Kardashian is watching us, from the side of the room.

"Hi. I'm here to fix your underwear."

I look around to see if the others are confused as I, but they seem not to notice the celebrity in our midst. I decide to bite the bullet and walk over to her.

“Um, hi?” I start, eloquently as usual.

“You’re Brooke, right?” she says perkily. I nodded warily. Damn, she was just as curvy and exotic-looking in person.

“Oh good. Hon, we need to take you bra shopping,” she explained. As if that was not batshit crazy and made all the sense in the world.

“Um?”

“No really. Your bras are totally not right for your shape. Let me see what you’re wearing today,” she continued. For some reason, I did not question this, and flipped up my sweater to show her the Victoria’s Secret scoopneck demi I was wearing.

She proceeded to take a picture of my bra, and a bit of my unflattering holiday tummy, and showed it to me. A little voice in the back of my head said “Oh my god. She has a reality show. And now a picture of me in my bra. This is going to be all over Twitter in about five minutes.”

Kim didn’t seem inclined to make a public spectacle of me, though. She was grabbing her purse and motioning to me to follow, as we were surely going to go find this miracle bra that would make me sexalicious.

And then I woke up.

THANK GOD.

I need to stop sniffing glue before bed or something.

*image courtesy of People.com

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