I’ll Have the Number 3… But Hold the Side of Judgement Please.

It never fails to amaze me how some people feel that they are entitled to pass judgement on the way that others are living their lives.

Where does that entitlement come from? Is it birthright, much as in caste systems that existed in the past and still does in some countries today? Or is it a result of political or religious affiliation that somehow makes a certain group of people feel superior to others who may not share the same viewpoint?

Or are people just naturally assholes who can’t resist putting their two cents in regardless of how that opinion may affect others?

So far, my relationship with Army Boy has been far from Judgement-free. I learned quickly when asked about him not to mention the fact that he was in the process of getting a divorce. The minute that people heard “the d word,” thus implying that he was still married, regardless of circumstances and who was at fault in the dissolution of the marriage, hateful epithets masked as “concern” poured forth.

“I just… want to make sure you’re not settling.”

“Be careful. That’s all I’m saying.”

“That is a red flag. He is not even divorced and dating you- that means he is selfish, and will probably treat you the same way he did his wife.”

There is SOOOOO much wrong with the latter. Especially considering the source that it came from- a person that is extremely “Christian.” To snap to any kind of judgement that quickly, especially in a negative way doesn’t strike me as very Christian at all.

Always assume that there is more going on than you know. Don’t immediately rocket to Jerry Springer-ish conclusions.

And honestly? ASK. If you are concerned for me, as you claim to be in your “advice” which is really just Condemnation in a sugar coating, ASK. I will be able to answer your difficult questions. I am a grown woman, with an extremely strong support system of both family and close friends, and I have my eyes open. I have been in the shitty situations and have the wisdom to recognize them.

*steps off soapbox*

Ahem.

Where was I.

Oh yes, Judgement. After a while, I just didn’t mention to people that Army Boy was in the process of a divorce. Because oh what? It didn’t AFFECT THEM. All anyone needed to know if they asked was that he was wonderful and…*gets starry-eyed*

Ack, sorry.

We’ve been crusing along, relatively scandal-free for the last few months, until we announced to the family our intentions to buy a house, and then let them know when we in fact GOT the house we’d put an offer on.

Once again, the proverbial shit hit the proverbial fan.

“Oooo. That was… FAST.”

Well, yeah. Kinda. Wait. What are you referencing? Are you saying it was “Fast” that we’re moving in together? Or “Fast” that we’re buying a house? Or “Fast” that we found the right house and jumped at it?

(If I had ballz, I would have asked the previous questions to every single person who uttered that stupid phrase. Instead, will passive-aggressively blog about it. Win!)

Because frankly, none of the above is anyone’s business. Especially in the case of family, for the love of Gawd. We’re telling you to include you in a happy time in our lives. I can’t say the entire family has reacted badly, we’ve gotten some amazing support from half of them, including my 80-year-old Grandparents. Take a lesson, younger generations: There is no such thing as “doing things the right way.” Also, suck it.

For the half of the family that hasn’t been so thrilled… I could look at the many potiential reasons why. Jealousy? That they’re not currently in a relationship that is moving forward? Or that their children aren’t able yet to take the step of buying a house? That their own lives are sucking donkey ballz lately and they feel the need to lash out at someone?

No matter what the reason, family is the one gift that you’re given when you enter this world. Even if you’re completely dysfunctional and some of you are Republicans and some of you are Democrats or Buddhists or People of Walmart … You have each other, no matter what. We each have to deal with enough shit from everyone else out there, we should at least be able to feel secure in the knowledge that our family is firmly ensconced in our corner. It’s not up to them to say whether we’re living our lives right or wrong, it’s up to them to be our cheering section and our soft place to fall. Am I completely idealistic in this expectation? Probably. Does it mean that I’ll stop expecting as much from my family, and being there as much as I can for them? Nope. Blood is thicker than water.

Man, I’ve been totally putting on my little goth girl pants lately and getting all heavy. Back to talking about boobies and pee-stained toilet seats soon, Internet loves.

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5 thoughts on “I’ll Have the Number 3… But Hold the Side of Judgement Please.

  1. I should so print this out for my in law family. Yeah, the ones who threatened to disown their son if he married me. No, seriously. Because I’m apparently a horrible, street smart, white girl from the hood only after his money. And really? It’s been 4 years now. I’ve seen no hit of big family money. So I confess myself… disappointed. Since that’s all I was after and all.

    (Please sense the sarcasm.)

    Family is the biggest collective busy-body in the world.

  2. Our families and friends are our biggest advocates and just as often our worst enemies. Keep on keeping on. Sounds like you have an excellent head on your shoulders and know your own mind and heart better than most.

  3. Wow, you call yourself passive aggressive, clearly you “got it honest” as we say here in the big KY. Girly, you don’t need balls to tell them wherefore, eventually you will just reach the boiling point. Sadly, it will probably be over someone saying, “my tea is a little too warm” LMAO

    Seriously, I say all the time, people are too busy judging others because if they stop, they might have to truly examine themselves. Sounds like you are pretty happy with you and Army Boy’s place in life. Every one else can take a flying leap. You know where you’re at.

    Love the blog. I’m in.

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