Coconut Water, and Other Things You Probably Shouldn’t Try.

Anyone who knows me well can tell you that in addition to being a huge nerd and having a mouth like a trucker, I’m totally insane for coconut. I have been since I was a wee little Brooke. I have no idea what happened sometime during my formative years to flip the switch in my brain that dictated coconut as the bee’s knees, but lo. It happened.

Observe, exhibit A: A text message from my cousin today saying “Hey Stinky! Saw a commercial for coconut M&Ms today and thought of you!”

Yes, I have totally already tried and stockpiled those suckers (which are currently taking a backseat to the damn Cadbury eggs), and yes. My cousins and I refer to each other by bodily-function related nicknames. Though from what I can remember, none of us have ever been particularly Stinky or Poopie.

I digress.

Being a total tool, and someone who will try practically anything once, I was intrigued by the appearance in the organic section of my market of “coconut water.” The little coconut-addict part of my brain started lighting up, and I was tempted to buy some.

At $1.75 a serving, it wasn’t hard to talk me out of it. Lo, I am young and poor after writing out that big-ass check for the house.

After passing it up that time, I then went on to read in one of my hippie yoga magazines about how GOOD it is for you and electrolytes and potassium and blah blah blah…

Coconut and Healthy: Ok fine, Must try it.

Here’s what they didn’t tell me: TASTES LIKE ASS. With a faint hint of coconut. But mostly the ASS.

OH. And Surprise, is an effing LAXATIVE.

(Which, HA yeah friggin RIGHT, but that is a post for another day.)

I thought that I’d try to make up for my lack of posting lately by saving you the trouble of trying the dreaded Coconut Water. Unless you already have and you like it, in which case more power to you.

As an added bonus, here are some more things to NOT try:

Holding the Door for the Little Rude Asian chick at work: She won’t say thank you, but will rather stare at you blankly. Genius Boy seems to think that she doesn’t speak English. I seem to think he’s full of shit.

Telling Army Boy That You Rule Because You Didn’t Buy Any Books AT THE BOOKSTORE: Because the damn Amazon box will inevitably show up the day after. Fortunately, he claims to love me anyway.

Thinking That You Can Start Drinking Caffeine Again and NOT Get ReAddicted: “Just one Red Bull” turns into a week of them followed by daily Diet Cokes and then what the heck, maybe a Dr Pepper, anything to get that sweet rush of Caffeine right through your gums… I’ll go back to Crystal Light next week, promise.

Telling Me that I Look Really Tired: That will get you The Finger. As Genius Boy learned Thursday. And Friday.

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One thought on “Coconut Water, and Other Things You Probably Shouldn’t Try.

  1. OK, duly noted….DO NOT TRY COCONUT MILK…unless of course I’ve overdosed on cheese and bananas. Even then I think I might just stick with ExLax as I really try and curtail putting anything in body that tastes like ass, or even essence of ass.

    So um yeah, thanks for the warning! *lol*

    Oh and the caffeine thing….don’t even get me started!

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