This morning on the way to work, I was dismayed to hear that my dear friend from this post has just released his latest single to pollute the ears of America’s youth and the heads of the club set everywhere…
When we last visited with Jason Derulo, he had cheated on his woman, but was convinced that she should take he and his STDs back because “they belonged together.”
I’m hoping that she didn’t because now he’s prowling the clubs, looking for “love.”
Without further ado…
“In My Head” ~Jason Derulo
Jason Derulo. (Thank you for that. As if I needed a reminder.)
J. J. J. J. J. R. (First cheating, now making fun of kids with speech impediments? Asshole.)
Everybodys looking for love.
Aint that the reason youre at this club. (Um, no. I’m at this club to dance with my girls and get trashed. And guys are at this club to get a piece of ass.)
You aint gonna find it dancin’ with him. No. (I know. To reiterate- not looking for love in the club.)
Got a better solution for you girl. (I’m all ears, asshat.)
Just stay with me now. Say the word and well go.
Ill be your teacher. Ill show you the ropes. (The thought of YOU teaching ME anything is laughable.)
Youll see a side of love you’ve never known. (The cheated-on side? Can’t wait.)
I can see it going down, going down. (Ew? Not on you?)
In my head, I see you all over me.
In my head, you fulfill my fantasy. (Keep dreaming.)
Youll be screaming noooooo (HAHAHAHA Exactly. NOOOOO!)
In my head, its going down. (Nothing is “going down” here.)
In my head,
Some dudes know all the right things to say.
When it comes down to it, its just a game. (Oh right. And you’re totally not “one of those dudes” with your innuendos?)
Instead of talking let me demonstrate. Yeah. (I just threw up in my mouth)
Get down to business lets skip foreplay. (That’s the way boys operate. Men know foreplay is important and- I’ll save my breath.)
Just leave with me now. Say the word and we’ll go.
Ill be your teacher. Ill show you the ropes. (By that you mean tying me up in your basement, right?)
You’ll see a side of love you’ve never known. (“It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”)
I can see it going down, going down.
In my head, I see you all over me. (You are so totally ‘Buffalo Bill’ and his human skin suit.)
In my head, you fulfill my fantasy. (I think that means your meds are out of whack.)
Youll be screaming no.
In my head, its going down.
In my head, its going down.
In my head.
Break it down. Ay-oh. Come on. Ay-oh. Ay-oh.
You singing to me baby in my head right now. Ay-oh. Ay-oh. Come on. (Now I’m seriously creeped. You reading my blog, Jason? How’d you know that I sing?)
Shell be screaming out when it all goes down. (Because she’s never seen a penis that small.)
(Repeat chorus ad nauseam. Just like the last song.)
For your aural benefit, I’ve included a video of the song featuring only the lyrics. Click to experience the full majesty of, er… Right.
Not only is this guy’s ego completely ridiculous, I think I may have figured out that he emulates the serial killer from “Silence of the Lambs.” Why aren’t the authorities onto this yet? I just saved them a shitload of time.
You’re welcome, World.