Scenes From The Bedroom: I BLAME TWITTER

(Scene: La Casa Bedroom. Brooke and Army Boy, getting ready to sleep. Brooke looks anxious.)

Brooke: I’m really disturbed by something I saw today. I need to share it with you so you’ll be disturbed too.

Army Boy: (sleepily) Um?

Brooke: Someone on Twitter mentioned “clock spiders”. And I Googled it.

Army Boy: What is it?!

Brooke: A spider the size of a wall clock. A couple only found it because its legs were peeking out from under the clock.

Army Boy: I freakin’ HATE spiders.

Brooke: I KNOW. So there.

Army Boy: Feel better? (Brooke nods.) Get some sleep.

(Brooke looks pensive.)

Brooke: Um?

Army Boy: Mmmph.

Brooke: That just made me think of camel spiders.

Army Boy: Those are some ugly mothers.

Brooke: I read that they MAKE NOISE. They get so pissed that they scream at you.

Army Boy: It’s more like a hissing. Then they charge you.

Brooke: …. OHMYCRAP You SAW SOME. In IRAQ.

Army Boy: I saw a few. I heard they’re worse in Afghanistan.

Brooke: How big are they??

Army Boy: Only a little bigger than a tarantula.

Brooke: *shudders*

Army Boy: Did you hear the story about the guy who accidentally brought one home from Afghanistan in his gear? And it got out and killed the family’s dog?

Brooke: Please tell me that is not true.

Army Boy: It’s probably just an exaggeration. I got stopped at customs for a pebble in my boot. I can’t imagine they’d let a spider through.

Brooke: You’re right…

Army Boy: Sleep Now?

Brooke: Okaaaay… (twitches feet nervously)

Army Boy: Whaaaaaat.

Brooke: What if there IS one in your gear!? And now it’s IN OUR BASEMENT?!

Army Boy: Our climate is too cold for them. It would have died.

Brooke: Maybe it got OUT of your footlocker and is living IN OUR DRYER. Where I put our CLOTHES.

Army Boy: Babe, Iraq was 4 years ago. If there were a hypothetical camel spider in my gear, I’m sure it’s dead by now. Or maybe still living in the Ex’s basement.

(They exchange an evil smile.)

Brooke: Ok but. What if it IS still down there. Hibernating.

Army Boy: They’re bears now?

Brooke: Or in Cryo-sleep?

Army Boy: (turns to look at her) Who ARE you?!?!?

Brooke: Don’t stop being my friend, ok?

(They burst into hysterical laughter. Brooke is banned from Google images forever after.)

(End Scene.)