Why I’d Be a Terrible Toddler

For those who may not have followed my whiny, self-obsessed tweets this weekend, I somehow managed to land myself an ear infection for the holiday. It was nothing short of miraculous, since I haven’t come into contact with any small children and am slightly anal in the hygiene department, but what are you going to do?

Once again, Army Boy proved his saintliness in just putting up with me. It’s a good thing that I wasn’t an earache-prone kid, because they just SUCK. I was even lucky enough to attend a cookout with my future in-laws complete with cotton balls in my ears as accessories. It’s the new in thing, I think.

In other news, today marks 13 months until our wedding. Things are starting to come together, and with some more appointments this month we’re in really good shape. In all honesty, the hardest decision so far has been the honeymoon. We’ve got about 6 months until we need to book, which is a good thing since we’re all over the map on what we’re looking for. I’m not sure if we want total relaxation in the Caribbean (or will be trapped there by hurricane season), pampering in Lake Placid, or the best of both worlds with a trip to Florida/Disney/Universal.

What. The Wizarding World of Harry Potter is open. Like you had to ask.

Army Boy and I are also talking about the possibility of adding to our family of two, in the form of a four-legged child. There’s nothing definite at the moment, but we’re reading, researching, and visiting. This weekend we got to meet two deliciously cuddly beagles, and their sweetness completely surprised me. They basically sealed the deal for Army Boy. He is a sucker for silky ears and wet noses. I’m ok with this.

We had a rough-ish week last week, in addition to the ear infection and the copious whining. My biological father, who I have no communication with as a result of years of his bad behavior and general fuckwittedness, decided it would be fun to try to friend some of my family members on Facebook. Since I’d been perfectly clear in the past that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, this didn’t please me in the least.

Fortunately, my mom had been having a “bad feeling” and the situation was quickly remedied. Not without a minimal amount of drama and a maximum amount of anger on my part. It turns my stomach that this person, who is a failure in so many ways, feels entitled to be privy to my life just because we share some DNA.

Heads up Dood: I have a father. Who has never attempted to screw me over or deserted my mother and I. In case you missed it in the last conversation we had? You disgust me and you need to go back to your little snakey hole where you live.

Sorry for that tangent. But I felt the need to explain a little bit of the blog silence and my lack of usual witty content. I’ll get back on the wagon, I promise.


5 thoughts on “Why I’d Be a Terrible Toddler

  1. ha I had an ear infection for my 25th birthday. I sat in urgent care filling out paperwork and they were like, “you know you put your birthday in today’s da—oh.”

    If you don’t go to Florida for your honeymoon, you have a friend that’s willing to go down for Harry Potter world (that is, me). While I never finished reading the books, as a perpetual child (and creator of children’s books) it’s just necessary for me to visit.

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