I Think Victoria’s Secret is Trying to Tell Me Something

Recently, Victoria’s Secret did that evil thing that they do every year and released their holiday catalog. Full of lacey, sexy, sparkly things that make me automatically want them. Bra with constellations on it? Oooo. Naughty blue lace bra? Yup. White, ruffled bridal teddy?! Hell to the yes.

I took advantage of some of their offers recently to get some new bras and a cute sweater to wear for Thanksgiving dinner. Every year we get together for a big family event, and this year we get to meet my MOH’s boyfriend for the first time. That necessitates cute new clothing. Because obviously.

Shortly after placing my order, I received an email from Victoria’s, alerting me to a sale they had coming up. They called it a “Panty Raid”, and their cotton underwear was all drastically marked down. Now, I’m as much of a fan of sexy undies as the next girl for special occasions. But for nights lounging on the couch with Army Boy playing an epic round of Halo, I want to be comfortable.

“Hmm,” I said thoughtfully, reading the email. “Babe, Vickie’s* is having a sale on panties.”

“WHY ARE YOU NOT SHOPPING?!” he asked. (This is why I love him.)

A few clicks later, and my order was placed. New underwear Mecca was soon to be mine.

Yesterday, I arrived home from work to find the magical package waiting for me in the living room. The excitement in the house was akin to Christmas morning, as Army Boy ran into the room to see the spoils of my shopping.

First out of the bag were the bikinis, which I’d gotten in some glittery prints. If you’re going to be practical, you might as well be sparkly. That’s quite a good motto for life, actually.

It was then that I noticed that some of my selections seemed a lot… well… smaller than they should.

I knew that in addition to bikinis, I’d picked out some v-strings, which manage to look cute and sassy while not turning themselves into torture devices during an

8-hour day in the office.

Instead of the V-strings, some thoughtful order packager had seen fit to send me a selection of thongs.

Hmmm.

Granted, they’re adorable. Army Boy’s eyes got even wider, if possible, and he exclaimed “JACKPOT! I love them!!!” As if there were any choice of me returning the incorrect items after that reaction.

So. To my little Guardian Underwear Angel out there that saw fit to make some slight changes to my order and grace me with some tantalizing scraps of fabric… Thanks? I think?

*Yes. We’re so close we’re on an abbreviated name basis.

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