The Long Night

Christmas week, being the responsible pet owners that we are, Army Boy took Wesley to the vet for his 10 week shots. This should be a completely unremarkable event, but it ended up turning into the most sleepless night of our relationship so far.

And not in a sexy way at all.

He played like his normal self up until around 9:30, when he was finally tuckered out and ready for bed. We put him in his crate, and decided to get our own rest until he would certainly wake us up sometime during the night.

The rest of the evening lacks a coherent narrative thread, but this is the best I’ve got….

10:30pm-

“Baby?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember that book I just finished about the vampires that took over New York City, and that were brought over on a plane from France during a solar eclipse?”

“The one by Guillermo del Toro? Where are we going with this…”

“We just had an eclipse yesterday.”

“It was a lunar eclipse.”

“Something eclipsed something.”

“Are you afraid that there will be vampires as a result of the eclipse?”*

“Yes. I don’t want them to eat our puppy.”

“Babe, there are no such thing as vampires. And they wouldn’t get to PA for at least a few days…”

“Gee, that helps.”

*snoring noises*

11:30pm: Puppy wakes up whining. Brooke gets up to take him out to the bathroom, then tries to put him back to bed. Frantic barking ensues.

11:45pm: Brooke takes puppy out for a second time, attempting to enforce that it is not playtime, and he will only be removed from the crate to do his business. Barking and crying continues.

12:00am:

“Ugh, he’s being an ASSHOLE.”

“I’ll take him out again babe.”

“Ok. Then tell him to be quiet. Little jerk.”

12:30am: Brooke can’t stand the crying anymore. She goes to the family room and takes puppy out, cuddling him in an attempt to soothe him to sleep and allow Army Boy to get some rest. He starts to dose off, and she puts him back to bed…

12:45am: NO DICE. BARKBARKBARKCRYCRYCRYBARKWHINEBARK

1:00am:

“I think there’s something more going on… he never cries like this during the night.”

“No, you’re right. Try to call the breeder.”

….

“No answer. I’m going to call the vet and see if they think this is normal.”

“BARKBARKBARKWHINEWHINECRYCRYCRY!!”

“Ugh, no answer there either…”

1:30am:

“Mom? Sorry to wake you… I think something’s wrong with the puppy.”

“Is that him???”

“Yes. For the last 2 hours.”

“Call the vet. I’m going to go look in my dog books, but something’s wrong.”

2:00am:

“Dad? I was just calling Mom back to tell her that— What? You’re on your way to the hospital? With Mom in the ambulance?? WTF?! Ok, let me know what’s going on when you know something.” *disconnects*

“What’s going on??”

“Mom passed out in the kitchen when she went down to check her books…The EMTs want to take her to the hospital just in case.”

“CLUSTERFUG!”

“Let’s just get the pup his Benadryl like the vet suggested. It should calm him down and take care of an allergic reaction to his vaccine.”

3:00am:

“Oh! Millionaire Matchmaker is on Bravo. Want to watch it?”

“Sure… looks like he’s dozing off on my lap.”

“Don’t move him. Let’s make sure he’s really asleep.”

“Oooo, look at the bad botox on that chick!”

“What is her problem?! That guy seems really nice!”

“Well now we have to keep watching.”

3:30am:

“You know how I said I wouldn’t be ok with Vampires eating our puppy? They can eat him now.”

4:00am:

“How the hell are you still awake, dog?!”

“I want to die.”

“Screw it, I’m going to try using some Jedi mind tricks on the little bastard.”

“Good call.”

“You are sleepy…. Sleeeeeeeepy….”

“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”

“*giggle* Not….. Helping…*snort*”

4:30am:

“Oh Breeder, thank GOD you’re awake. Wesley’s been screaming his head off all night. The vet thinks it was a bad vaccine reaction, and said to bring him in if he—uh huh? Uh huh? Ok. We’ll call him back.”

5:00am:

“Doc, thanks so much for seeing us… Sorry to wake you twice but he just won’t settle and we are going to die if he doesn’t sleep soon.”

(Doc gives puppy a dose of steroids to fight any reaction from the vaccine and says the drug SHOULD take effect within a half hour.)

5:45am: Puppy is asleep on the family room floor. Finally. Thank the sweet Baby Jesus.

6:00am:

“Hi Dad. You’re home? Everything was ok? Thank gawd. Wesley’s finally sleeping too. Looks like it’s time for all of us to get some rest. Give Mom my love, and we’ll talk to you later today.”

*Brooke and Army Boy dash to the bedroom, do a completely ridiculous touchdown dance and promptly pass out*

THE. END.

* There are times that I get a completely irrational level of anxiety around bedtime. Army Boy, for some reason, loves me anyway.

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6 thoughts on “The Long Night

    • It’s kinda a funny story- We were SET on a girl, and were going to call her Stella.
      After we got to go along for the xray to determine the number of pups, and saw that the mummy was only carrying three, our odds of getting a boy rose exponentially, and my brain started scrambling… The first thing that my eyes lit on that evening was our well-loved copy of The Princess Bride… and I was sold. It met all my criteria for a puppy name (ie- two syllables, muy screamable [“WESLEY! NO!”] and provided a kickass AKC name- “As You Wish.”)

      The fact that your Hubby was named Wesley first only further reinforces the awesome factor. 🙂

    • I’m just amazed that we could find ANY humor in that night… I shudder to think how a less awesome guy than Army Boy might have handled it (something along the lines of “oh, you got this? i’m going back to bed.”)

      We still do the Touchdown Dance before bed every night two weeks later. Because sleep deserves a celebration. 🙂

  1. That is an AWESOME AKC name! When we had a dog, his name was Doc Holliday and his AKC name was “Doc Holliday With His Boots On”.

    Funny enough, when I was younger I was obsessed with The Princess Bride. I swore to my mother that I would marry a man named Wesley…And sure enough I DID!

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