The Lost Member of “The Spice Girls” and Yes, I’ll Start Posting More

Today, I received a handy reminder from “The Knot” that our wedding is a mere 8 months away. As in “Officially at the point where you need to start doing stuff, Lady.” Fortunately, my Type A-ness has allowed me to accomplish a lot before this point, so the list isn’t as daunting as it could be. However, I have to admit to being slightly startled that it’s already February.

That would mean that Captain Peepants has been living with us for TWO FULL MONTHS already. How did that happen?! A month feels plausible, maybe a few weeks, but two months since we brought him home? Even as my brain protests that fact, I’m forced to admit that he’s not quite as little as he once was. He no longer easily nestles onto my lap between my hip and my knee, instead spilling over onto my shins. It’s comforting that he still manages to cuddle up against my chest during his sleepy times, with his head under my chin, as he did when he was 4 weeks old.

Our schedules are slowly getting back to normal, as he’s realized that he no longer has to get up with Daddy at the arse-crack of dawn, and can instead doze until Mommy gets up, with her crazy bedhead and countless layers of clothes. It’s our time together in the morning, before the sun comes up when we explore the darkness of the front yard and then retreat inside to eat breakfast and cuddle before he inevitably passes out for his first nap of the day. Cue Mommy turning into a hurricane to get rid of the crazy bedhead and attempt to look like a human before work.

All that is to say that I’m slightly less sleep-deprived, and thus more human.

There are a lot of changes around the house, some subtle (the influx of puppy care and training books. Oh no, books! We never have those!) and some not so much (the fact that the tv is constantly tuned to one of the Discovery networks- TLC, Animal Planet, Sci [“Mutant Planet,” anyone?! LOVE IT.]). I’ve even found myself with a new girlcrush, though she’s not my “usual” type. (Jennifer Nettles, I’m looking at you! Call me!)

My Goddess-du-Jour is none other than the amazing Victoria Stilwell, of “It’s Me or the Dog” fame. She works wonders on delinquent dogs with positive reinforcement training, and has helped us with our own precocious pooch. Little tips that we’ve picked up from watching the show (verbal corrections, puppy time out) have already made a difference in Puppy’s behavior, and I’m anxious to finish reading her book cover to cover. (Other recent reads are “How to Raise the Perfect Dog” by Cesar Millan and “How to be Your Dog’s Best Friend” by the Monks of New Skete.) (YES I KNOW I’M TYPE A!)(He’s a beagle. He’s stubborn. Must start early!)

Also, she is very British and cultured and badass and wears a pair of riding boots like no other.

Army Boy says that she is scary and could freeze men’s penises off.

Whatever, as long as her training works.

This morning, while engaged in my morning routine, which also happens to be when I do some of my most profound thinking, I realized that Ms Stilwell wouldn’t be terribly out of place among some of the other more “famous” British imports, the Spice Girls. After all, 7 of the 5 members were named some variation of Victoria, and I find it hard to believe that the emaciated Victoria Beckham was capable at one point of performing “choreography.”

My theory was that Ms Stilwell was in fact the REAL Posh Spice, but deemed too badass “penis freezing” for publicity purposes, and was thus replaced by the birdlike Mrs Beckham.

To assist you in seeing the similarity, I’ve included a visual aid.

Victoria Stilwell:

The Other Victorias:

The Spice Girls + Puppy Spice:

See? Obviously a perfect fit. Why nobody else has figured this out while putting on mascara is quite simply beyond me.

(all images courtesy of Google images)

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3 thoughts on “The Lost Member of “The Spice Girls” and Yes, I’ll Start Posting More

  1. Ah, the halcyon days when Posh Spice looked human! She’s very glamorous now, but she definitely looks other-worldly. Like she’s from an Earth-type planet in a neighboring solar system.

    She’s preggers now too. I wonder how her baby enjoys Posh’s daily diet of fat free chicken broth and cabbage.

  2. I like your Victoria much more. Honestly, I prefer Kate to any of them. Can we just adopt her as the whole world’s new poster girl? She seems so human. Normal, human size. Not 20 feet tall. Not 12 lbs. Not plastic. When she smiles, she actually seems to be smiling, not, you know, British monarchy smiling. I am actually fond of her.

    This bears note.

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