(The Scene: Evening, and Brooke and Army Boy are at Puppy Class. They’re standing around talking with other dog owners, and the puppies are engaging in their weekly ritual of sniffing and visiting.
The beginning class lets out, and the younger pups come over to join the older pups. One of these, a gorgeous Doberman, can’t get enough of Wesley and the two circle each other, batting playfully.)
Brooke: I can’t get over how pretty he [the Doberman] is!
AB: Look at the size of his paws! They’re massive! (Other owners laugh)
Doberman Owner: I know, he’s a little brute.
German Shepherd Owner: Look how shiny his coat is! He’s just gorgeous.
Doberman Owner: Oh, thanks. I shined him up before we came.
Doberman Owner’s Wife: That’s because we use an all-natural insect repellant our breeder told us about. We don’t believe in poisoning our dog by using Frontline or Topspot, so we use an all natural marigold spray instead. You can find it at-
Brooke’s Inner Monologue: Gee, good to know that the rest of us are poisoning OUR dogs, judgeybutt. We’re not the ones who deliberately shortened our animal’s ears and tail for appearance reasons.
German Shepherd Owner: (jokingly) Well, I may have just found a new perfume.
Doberman Owner: We’re going to finish up this class, and then probably enroll him in a home defense course to tap into some of his natural defensive instincts.
Brooke’s Inner Monologue: I bet your home owner’s insurance will love that. You have one of the more stereotyped breeds and you’re making him MORE aggressive. At least you’re not POISONING him.
(Just in the nick of time, the class instructor motions for the start of Wesley’s class. The groups disperse)
AB: (quietly) Why do I feel like we just got judged?
Brooke: (muttering) Just wait. This is just other pet owners. Wait until it’s parents of super-special-snowflakes.
AB: I say we quit while we’re ahead.
Brooke: Seriously. I don’t know how we’ll react when it comes to people questioning our decision whether to breastfeed or not, or have a med-free delivery or not, or….
AB: People DO that?!?!
Brooke: You have NO idea.